Are You Really OK?

FOREWORD by Levi Lusko

The sky was streaked with oranges and pinks and purples. The reflection of those colors into the turquoise lake caused a surreal tie-dye effect that amplified the sunset. You could hardly tell where the sky ended and the water began. Everything was glowing.

My daughters and son and I were standing on a dock fishing and taking it all in. It felt as though we were in the middle of a painting. Soon the stars would come out and we would retreat to our campfire for s’mores. This was Montana summer majesty at its absolute finest. We were having so much fun that even when the sun finally set, we lit a lantern and stayed on the dock while the kids kept casting their bait-laden hooks into the water.

At one point my daughter Daisy said, “Dad, I think I have a bite!” And so I leaped to her side and encouraged her to steadily reel the fish in.

As she spun the little crank, I heard the sound a pole makes when the fish is too big—the reel stops gathering line to avoid breaking the string. “You must have snagged a monster!” I said. I adjusted the drag a little bit as she continued to faithfully fight this sea monster. And nothing changed. The reel just continued to make that unmistakable clicking sound and kept the line in place.

It was at that point that I looked up and realized that her pole wasn’t bent at all, which it would have been if there were a fish on the line. I realized what had happened when my eyes made it to the tip of her pole. There was her hook and little sinker right at the top. She hadn’t caught a fish at all. She felt all the tension because she had reached the end of her line.

I wonder if you can relate.

I know I can.

To be human is to have a line that is finite. There is a limit to every one of our abilities, and there is only so much we can take. This is as true mentally and emotionally as it is physically and spiritually. Maybe, like Daisy, you’re feeling that no matter how much you spin your wheels, you just aren’t gaining traction. So you struggle with stress and worry, anxiousness or dread. The answer isn’t to just try harder. Muscle can’t win this battle.

As the saying goes, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Simply put, keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. The tension you are feeling is telling you that you have reached the end of your line.

This masterful book will help you get your hook back in the water.

Debra Fileta will help you understand who you are—the full you: body, soul, mind, and heart. And like a chair that works only when all four legs are firmly planted on the ground, the truths she will share will help you figure out which of your “legs” is shorter than the others and needs to be propped up. It doesn’t really work to focus all your attention on your spiritual life when your physical or emotional health is a mess. Like the beautiful sunset we watched that night in which all the colors blended together, your life is meant to be a vibrant reflection of every facet of your life. This isn’t possible if you ignore entire components of your well-being.

In the church we can be guilty of looking for spiritual solutions to physical or emotional problems. You might not have a demon—you might just be dehydrated. Prayer is important, but so is counseling. And while no one would ever tell a person with poor vision to correct their eyesight with Bible verses—we’d advise them to get prescription lenses!—there can be a stigma around a similar prescription for treating a chemical deficiency. Debra helps us avoid such narrow thinking and unhelpful dichotomies. It’s not either/or, but both/and. Prayer is important and so is counseling. Being in a small group at church is vital, and depending on what you are walking through, medicine might be too.

There is an old adage about the cobbler who had no shoes. It can be easy to not do for yourself what you do for a living. My favorite thing about this book is how it defies that stereotype. Debra is honest about her own struggles and transparent about her journey to implement the practices that, as a professional counselor, she advocates for you and me to do. I hope and pray that as you embark upon this journey, you will open your heart, soul, mind, and strength to all that Jesus wants to do in you. I am confident that greater joy and peace are waiting on the other side.

“Reading this book is like sitting on the couch with your own personal therapist. In Are You Really OK? Debra shows us that our spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental health are intertwined, weaving in her personal and professional experience. The book is full of wisdom, understanding, and practical tools that will make a difference in your life today.”
—Christine Caine, founder of A21 and Propel Women

“I am thrilled Debra has written such a helpful resource that unpacks what it looks like to pursue emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health. In a culture that often presents a skewed version of health, this topic has never been more important. If you want to grow, this is for you!”
—Ben Stuart, pastor of Passion City Church DC and author of Single, Dating, Engaged, Married

“A great book that invites the reader to delve into a more abundant life of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. You’ll be challenged and equipped to grow, mature, and spiritually prosper. Marvelously done!”
—Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage

"If you are worn-out from years of faking fine and are ready to address some hard truths, Debra Fileta wants to help. In her new book, Are You Really OK?, Debra offers her life experience, her psychology background, and her love for people and captures it in a resource that will help you live an honest, holistic, and healthy life. Debra is a master at professionally guiding others through the process of an in-depth assessment of themselves. In this book, she will do the same for you. You can be more than 'just okay,' and Debra Fileta will show you how."
—Chrystal Evans Hurst, bestselling author and speaker

“Every one of us has been damaged by others, has damaged others, and has damaged ourselves by unwise words and unhealthy actions. As a result, we all have hurts, hang-ups, and bad habits. So where do we go to get help? In her newest book, Are You Really OK?, Debra is your personal counselor and life coach who shares openly about her journey toward health and makes clear next steps for you to take toward personal healing.”
—Chris Reed, pastor at Saddleback Church

“I cannot emphasize enough how important this book is. Debra is an excellent counselor, and in the pages ahead she will take you on a journey toward emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health. You are going to learn new things, you are going to change in the best ways, and you are going to enjoy every word.”
—Jonathan Pokluda, bestselling author of Welcome to Adulting and pastor of Harris Creek Baptist Church

"Are You Really Okay? sets a new standard for how mental health is handled in the church. Debra gives such practical steps not just to heal but thrive! I'm so thankful for her work and getting this message out. It's a must read."
—Caitlin Zick, Moral Revolution codirector and author of Look at You, Girl